BLR Reunion and Biggest Loser Finale (Season 13)

I finally have some downtime because I'm home from work with some kind of allergy/cold/b.s. I will apologize in advance if this post is mundane or ceases to make sense; It feels like my lungs are in a vice and I'm trying to breathe underwater. Needless to say, I haven't been to the gym very much since my return from Malibu on Wednesday last week. However...

Malibu was a blast! Seeing my BLR peeps and the BLR staff again was beyond fantastic!

I had a little fear showing up and seeing everyone else because I haven't lost any weight since February... scratch that - I was terrified! But my fears were quelled immediately upon seeing Meg and Amanda! Seeing their big smiles made me run up and hug the both of them as though we were long-lost sisters, reunited. Of course, they both looked incredible, so immediately pull out my over-sized comb for a quick hair touch-up (Is she a Diva?... inside joke for Amanda and Meg).

From there, the rental car shuttle took us to the location where we were supposed to meet up with Keith. I looked up to see half of Keith! OMGWTF! Someone was working out with extreme intensity and dedication since December! Seriously! Wow! Great job, amigo! You are an inspiration to so many! (Do you!) :)

On Sunday, the four of us were finally able to meet up with Cara, Betty, Haley, and Nicole (Betty and Cara's sister). They also brought their trainer, Michael, with them (who is freakin' hilarious, has more energy than coffee on crack, and knows how to booty tooch like nobody's business!). It was so great to have us all finally back together!

We had dinner on Sunday night with Mike Messina. It was pretty easy to see that he would be the at-home winner. He looked fantastic!

On Monday, we all had a long, beautiful, and sizzling hike to Sandstone Peak in the Santa Monica mountains, where a few of us discovered the importance of sunscreen while slowly become sauteed by the sun in our own sweat.

Eight days later, my shoulders and neck are still in pain and poor Amanda's shoulders looked like singed paper! SPF 100 next time! No doubt. When I put on a wind-breaker, I feel like a Hot Pocket cooking in a microwave! And the resulting scaly-lizard, body-dandruff look is super attractive! Soooo lovely! It's actually kind of fortunate I got sick so that I don't leave trails of "pieces of me" everywhere I go :)

On Tuesday, a few of us had breakfast, then worked out with some Biggest Loser folks (Sione, Jennifer, Mark, and Buddy). It was a great start to a great day! That night, as seat-fillers, we attended the finale and Keith and I were seated in the third row! This was a drastically different experience from last season, where I was in the nose-bleed seats (cue music) "alllll byyyy myyyyseeeellllllfff." So much more fun, this season!

The contestants looked amazing and I have to say the Kim Nielsen was the Biggest Loser Winner, in my book! She was in tip-top condition and looked like a world-class athlete.. and she was a total sweetheart! Meeting her was one of the biggest highlights of my night! One of the low points was spilling my drink all over Mike Messina's feet and feeling like a complete dufus... yikes.

During the entire trip, we all met lots of Biggest Loser contestants from seasons present and past, drank a little, ate some yummy food, and had some great laughs. Wednesday morning came way too quickly. As I faced having to head home alone, I was a sobbing mess. Amanda, Keith, Meg, Betty, Cara, Haley and Nicole are and will be my family, for life! Some of the most amazing people you would ever hope to meet! <3 V34L!

I thought this trip would re-instill some motivation in me to continue my journey, but the opposite occurred when I got home. I laid on the couch for two days, chowing down Oreos and gelato, went out to eat with friends way too often (sooo much mexican food!)... I ballooned back up to 187 pounds! It happens SOOOO fast! Once I start with the sugar and fatty foods, it feels impossible to stop! If it's in front of me, it will soon be in my belly, almost involuntarily!

Over the past few days, I worked out a little, played golf once (poorly... so poorly, in fact, I'm wondering why I bothered spending money on brand new clubs!), and then I got sick. This morning, the scale read 182, so maybe the 187 was mostly bloat. I have to say... 187 felt like I was back in the 200's. It was uncomfortable and made my clothes feel like sausage casings. Boo.

Unfortunately, one of my favorite workout partners (and dating confidant), Benny-boo, got a fantastic job in Palm Springs... he moved on Saturday and I already miss him. Zumba won't be the same without the jokes and innuendo! <sigh>

As I was reflecting on my trip and trying to determine my approach to life over the next few months, it became apparent that I was starting to feel kind of lost and needed something to focus on aside from work and my epic failure at eating nutritiously. My friend suggested attending a Buddhist temple with him, so I'll see how it goes! Seems to be working well for him! He's more at peace lately and has already lost 12 pounds! I think I need to find spirituality in my life so that I'm able to give up some emotional burden to the universe.

Well, I'm heading back to bed for a NyQuil-induced sleep. I look like hell, but at least I'm not eating! Ha!

See you on the fit side!
~Heather

Malibu and BLR Peeps in T minus 2 Days...

As I am preparing for my trip back to Malibu to visit my BLR peeps this weekend (and go to the Biggest Loser Finale), the nerves are taking over my body. I found myself visibly shaking tonight as I text-messaged Cara and Amanda tonight to give them a little insight into the craziness that has seeped into the transoms of my mind. I'm scared. Cara and Amanda have been so dedicated and have seen fabulous results. I, on the other hand, am noticeably headed in the wrong direction.

The last time I wrote in this blog was March 25. Since then, I have done very little that is good for my body. I've only averaged 2-3 days per week in the gym and I'm eating like complete crap. I would venture a guess that I've been consuming 3000+ calories every day and very little of it is nutritious, especially at night. I've had more french fries in the last three weeks than I've had in the previous three years... I've even eaten fast food! (In N Out Burger - protein style, but still!)... AND... I succumbed to donuts. Not just one... not two... not three... but FOUR! Yes, FOUR! And in about 10 minutes! I went into sugar shock and passed out for three hours afterward. Ridiculous.

Did I mention this was just two days after I ran a 5K? Ugh... and my poor roommate has been trying like crazy to snap me out of this funk, bless her heart!

So, here I sit, on my couch, 8 pounds heavier than I was a month ago. I haven't tracked calories (in or out), I haven't put in the time for stretching, strength training, or cardio. Most importantly, I haven't written in my blog out of sheer embarrassment. I didn't want to reveal that I'd fallen so hard and fast, and I didn't want to seem like a fraud. I didn't want to face what's happening to me. But, here it is in black and white:

I am sabotaging myself with food so that I can blame "being fat" for any short-comings or misgivings in my life.

If I know this, why can't I stop it? How do others seemingly never go through this? You would think that the fact that my back is doing so well, and that I can finally be active (after barely being able to walk for the last several years) would be enough! I still remember how awful it was to not be able to run or even sit for any length of time! Why wouldn't I be doing everything possible to prevent it from happening again? I don't get it... I'm not quite sure how to get out of this vicious cycle.

Now I have to face all the people that may be expecting that I did as well as they have! They will all be passing me up on the hikes and kicking my butt at all the activities. I'm so nervous, that I almost canceled my trip today... I just don't want people to see me like this. However, I read something Betty wrote today about this trip being "the kick in the butt we need" to get serious about this again... I hope she's right.

Suffice it to say that I see some great big hugs and a few tears in my near future.

Love to you all, BLR Babes and Studs! Oh, and V44L :) <Meg - You're an honorary member, so don't get your knickers in a bunch> Hee hee

See you on the fit side! (Once I dust off my ticket for that ride)
-Heather