Lessons from Biggest Loser Resort: Time to cleanse the mind and body!

After reading my friend, Betty’s blog at http://phatchances.blogspot.com, I decided to write tonight. Betty is so inspiring to me and if I can reach just one person the way she reaches me every time she writes, then it’s worth typing through the exhaustion and foregoing a Friday night of debauchery J

For some reason, I woke up today feeling more alert and energized than I normally do. Perhaps it was because I finally got a non-alcohol-induced sleep after treating my body well yesterday, for an entire day! Yes, I did undergo a few struggles while on my trip to the east coast this past weekend. While I had a great time, I now realize how easily I “adapt” to others’ habits and lifestyles! This is not a good thing. I need to find stronger resolve when I’m faced with challenging situations.

When I arrived home on Tuesday, I had some residual emotions that I spoke of in my Valentine’s Day post, and processing brought many things to light. I accomplished what I wanted to on my trip and any open questions I had were answered. Long story, short; I decided to relinquish anything for which I had no control and just “do me.” Giving up those emotions was surprisingly easy once I allowed myself to focus on life in the present! It may have been somewhat symbolic, but I decided to cleanse my body at the same time I was cleansing my mind…. It sounded like a great idea at the time! I could rid myself of all the crap food and gunk in my system while starting fresh in my head and getting refocused on my weight loss journey! Fantastic!

  

  Personal Score:  A
(I'm making progress, both physically and emotionally)

I heard about the “Shakeology Cleanse” but I didn’t know what it was. Since I already had a month’s supply of Shakeology on-hand, I decided to Google it and see if it was something of interest. It seemed easy enough! You do the following for three days:

• WAKE UP: Green tea (no sweetener)
• BREAKFAST: Shakeology Shake with fruit and liquid that does not contain sugar (I used unsweetened Almond Milk and 6 frozen strawberries);
• SNACK: An apple or berries (I ate a Pink Lady apple)
• LUNCH: Shakeology Shake with fruit and liquid that does not contain sugar (to change up the flavors, I used a frozen banana this time)
• SNACK: Another apple
• DINNER: Dark-leaf lettuce with protein – no oil, butter, salt or pepper (boring, but it does the job)
• SNACK: If you’re still hungry, they suggest eating more fruit

First, let me say that this worked for me. Without a doubt, it works. In just two days, I’ve lost more than 4 lbs and I know that “gunk” is leaving my body.

I just wish my stomach wasn’t making so much darned noise! It’s embarrassing! No dates for me this weekend! Ha! With that said, I am noticing some positive differences so far; I am thinking more clearly, my attitude seems more positive, I’m more alert, and I feel “lighter” and healthier. The not-so-positive effects are; I am tired around 2pm, I don’t feel like I’m eating enough, I’m getting dizzy more easily, and my energy depletes more quickly. The instructions say that it’s not advisable to work out while cleansing, because the caloric intake is so low, but I’ve been working out anyway. I believe I am only consuming about 1000 calories while on this cleanse. I know this isn’t enough, but it’s only for three days and I’m hoping it helps to jump-start my metabolism when I go back to my normal 1500-1600 calories per day on Sunday.

I'm sooooo close!!!! My trainer tried to get me to that 179.9 mark today, but we JUST missed it! Maybe tomorrow! This means I'm down 37 lbs since I left BLR and I am down 79 lbs total!

This was my trainer and me after he kicked my butt this morning in a hilacious workout. During the workout, he had me focus on something...er... someone... unpleasant (who just happened to walk by the gym windows) to give me motivation to go at ludicrous speed! At one point while I was struggling on the treadmill, he said, "Focus on your horizon! Get through this! No erratic breathing!" Unfortunately, as I looked out the window, the unpleasant "thing" was right in my line of sight, so my response was, "There's a pile of sh*t in my horizon, sir!"

Our treadmill intervals were at 5.0 incline and sometimes up past 7.0 mph! Can you say jello legs? As if that weren't enough, in the second half hour, I was begging for mercy after 30 minutes of more intervals, sometimes reaching at over 113 RPMs at Level 15 on the bike for as long as my heart and lungs could take it. I hate/love that man! :)



All the cleansing of my mind and body also has me thinking of Essara, my psychologist and life coach at Biggest Loser Resort. There are many days that I make decisions related to what she and I used to discuss and I ask myself, “Would Essara be proud of me?” I wish I could still talk to her at least once per week. Sometimes, I truly don’t know the answer to that question, since it seems emotional growth is often tied to doing something that is emotionally painful. Am I doing the right thing by putting myself through something I know has the potential to hurt me? At what point is “putting up walls” or “closing myself off” a GOOD thing? I do see myself setting clearer boundaries with people in my life that used to walk all over me, but I’m not sure I’m making the progress I need to be making to be successful in the long-term. I miss you, Essara!

I actually have been missing ALL of my BLR buddies! I was chatting with Amanda Tyson this morning and we got on the topic of hiking Nicholas “not so” Flatts. We both had a good laugh about our last attempt, but under no uncertain terms, we plan to tackle and conquer that bitch in May. No doubt we will as we have BOTH come SO far. After texting and talking to a few of my BLR girls, seeing all the Follow Fridays on Twitter, and getting a glance of THIS picture from BLR (I was laughing my butt off! This was Amanda and I on that darned hike! We both thought we were dying!), I realized how important it is to have a huge support system!

I’m so fortunate that no matter what I’m feeling, or when I’m feeling it, I can turn around and one of my BLR sisters or brothers is there for me! I am so lucky to have all of these special people in my life! I truly believe THAT is the biggest key to moving toward success and not giving up! Having people around you that share your struggles, goals, desires, pain, and fears…. As long as you stay in contact with them, you will be forced to be true to yourself and it will be that much more difficult to give up! Thank goodness these people are in my life as I am a much better person for it! I don’t know what I’d do without them on my toughest days.

Another key component, which goes in-hand with the support system, is to always remember where you started! Remember what got you to your “bottom” in the first place and remember how it felt to be there! BUT do NOT confuse this with ridiculing or beating up your former self whenever you see an old picture or someone makes a comment about how you “used to be!”

I get so upset when I hear formerly overweight people look at a past image of themselves and put themselves down! Saying things like, “Look at how gross I was!” or “Who is that disgusting person!?” Why?!?! Isn’t it true that when we were at our highest weights, we couldn’t understand how people could be that cruel to us? How people couldn’t see us for what/who were are on the inside? The whispers when we’d order dessert? How we felt when people wouldn’t even glance our way to say hello? Being treated like an animal or sub-standard human being when something didn’t fit like a seat or a seatbelt? All awful!!!!

I get that you don’t want to go back to being miserable and feeling unattractive, but it’s not healthy to treat your old self like someone you don’t know and don’t ever want to be. Behind that exterior, there was a person that was full of love, desperation, hope, and sadness! I am positive you beat yourself up enough back then! I know I did! Enough is enough. How would you have felt if someone you knew, loved, and trusted spoke to you back then, the way you are speaking about your former self now? It’s important to remember why you don’t want to go back, but also remember that the depressed and broken person in that picture was a suffering human being. If anything, they deserve love and respect for helping you achieve who you are today and who you’re working to become. Love yourself, past and present, because both of you deserve it!

See you on the fit side!

-Heather

Valentine's Day: It doesn't have to be Hallmark's version!

I am sitting on a plane, reflecting upon the last few days, as the sun peers up over the ocean and the New York City skyline. I love the way the rays dart through the morning haze as if to promise me there is a greater power doing everything possible to bring light and brightness into my morning. For a city that never sleeps, New York sure is beautiful when everyone else is just waking up. It’s currently 4:30 AM in California and I’m heading home after a whirlwind extended weekend of fun and a little romance.

It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed my heart to feel the happiness I’ve felt over the past few days. But, I wanted to make sure I enjoyed every minute that was granted to me, just in case it was a one-time occurrence. I have to give myself a lot of credit! My psychologist at BLR helped me to discover that I was not living in the moment, prior to working on bettering myself. Lately, I have been making a concerted effort to do the exact opposite and really pay attention to “now.”

Naturally, because it is Valentine’s Day, I am also thinking about love and what it has meant to me in my life. There are days when I absolutely love my life and I’m thankful for everything in it. There are days that I wish I could numb myself to sleep so that I don’t have to feel anything or think about what might have been, but may never be (I call these my "stinkin' thinkin' days")…. And there are days like today, where my heart is aflutter with joy and anticipation, but my stomach is in knots because it fears the journey my heart wants to take. However, I am happy and excited about life! Allow me to provide some background into my emotional quotient:

I grew up believing families were supposed to be like The Cleavers or The Huxtables. Contrary to many of my friends’ families, I wasn’t exposed to fighting, arguing, and disrespect between my parents. My parents took disagreements behind closed doors and had “discussions.” Up to this day, I have never seen them fight. They love each other, they date, and they respect each other. Most importantly, they've grown together (with a lot of work and evolving) instead of growing apart over 40+ years.

My mom was an at-home Betty Crocker-style mom who always cooked hearty breakfasts every morning and a balanced meal for dinner every night. The family sat at the dining table together to eat. No TV and no other distractions allowed. She decided to quit her job to raise three children and my dad worked tirelessly as a laborer for a retail food chain to support the entire family. I didn’t know it at the time, but we had absolutely no money. Knowing now what my parents had to do and sacrifice to provide for their children, and ensure we had the same opportunities as others in life with money, I honestly don’t know how they accomplished all that they did.

I don’t remember “wanting” for anything until I was an older, bratty, selfish teenager who felt inexplicably entitled, misunderstood, and disadvantaged in life. I shiver to even type this because it pains my heart to know that I ever hurt my parents in any way. Yet, throughout our upbringing, they managed to stay together, grow together, love each other, and show complete respect for each other.

My dad has always been my protector. I always thought about how lucky I was to have a super dad who was pretty darned bad-ass. He was strong, tall, muscular, and had a way of intimidating ill-intented people. Everyone in the neighborhood knew that he would turn into the Incredible Hulk if someone laid a hand on me. He would scare off boys that were mean to me and was always the first to my aid if I got hurt. Granted, my mom would tell you I was a “big baby” growing up, so it was hard for her to tell when I was actually hurt, versus when I was looking for attention, but somehow my dad always seemed to know the difference. In 6^th grade, I had a lot of pain in my shoulder after being tackled on the soccer field. Mom thought I was complaining to get out of doing the dishes. Dad thought otherwise and took me to the hospital. I had a broken collar bone... Around the time of my 14^th birthday, my abdomen felt like a little monster was inside, ripping apart my organs. Mom thought I just had cramps and kept feeding me Advil, even though I told her it wasn’t “that time.” Dad took one look at me, and carried me out the door to the emergency room. I had appendicitis and it was ready to burst.

Dad also tried to protect me emotionally. When I was about 22 years old, I was visiting my parents’ home and my dad hired my then-boyfriend (Corey) of two years, to do some extensive re-wiring to his entertainment system. Corey was almost 3 hours late and I could see my dad was frustrated. When Corey arrived, I asked why he was late and I tried to explain that my dad had plans and I considered it disrespectful to not at least call to say he was delayed. Corey snapped at me, told me to mind my own business, and somehow (I forget how), made me believe it was my fault, and that it was the last time he’d ever do a “favor” for my family. I was so hurt, I ran into the garage and sat on the steps, sobbing with my head in my arms. I had no idea that my dad had heard the whole interaction.

My dad found me in the garage, came up behind me and simply said, “I know you like this guy, but Heather, I would NEVER treat your mother that way.” He patted me on the shoulder and left. I have never forgotten that moment. Why, after seeing such a great example of how a couple in love should treat each other, was I willing to endure even the slightest emotional mistreatment? Why was it so difficult to find a relationship like my parents’? With an ideal like them to live up to, dating has been a challenge, to say the least.

For some reason, the reality of love and relationships is more vivid and hitting me harder this year than it has in the past. Maybe it’s because my dad was diagnosed with cancer and I’m being forced to face his mortality? He’s always been a pillar of super-human strength and tremendous character for me…. My super hero… Maybe it’s because my last serious relationship was so tumultuous (every time I hear the song, “Love the Way You Lie” and Eminem sings, “It’s like when a tornado meets a volcano”… that reminds me of that relationship). Or, maybe I’m just getting older?

Whatever the case, I tend to think about my dad and my family when I think of my past relationships and what I hope my future will hold. I go to bed at night and I envision my heart will soon be full with the love of a good man. There are so many reminders of a slightly empty heart, waiting for its complement: A smile from a stranger. A conversation on a plane. Children laughing as they play. Couples holding hands… and alas, Valentine’s Day, or as I saw it termed on Facebook, “National Singles Awareness Day.” So funny, but...Word.

As the days go by, the visions of love slowly fade, but the desire to live the dream becomes more intense when I allow myself to pay attention to it. It’s like that good dream for which you desperately try to fall back to sleep, if only to have the experience for one more moment. I've been in love before, but it has been a very very long time.

I think about the path I've wandered through life and it's not that I have regrets... I just want to start the next chapter and do it with my new-found self, and soon. I want to grant my heart and soul the love I deserve, and I want my dad to be able to walk me down the aisle before it’s too late, knowing I have a man in my life who will take just as good care of me as he has. For now, I am taking care of my own heart and trying with all my might to keep it open and receptive to love.

For everyone who has someone to love today, celebrate your love and be sure to express to them why you fell in love with them in the first place! Be thankful for what you have and try not to dwell on what you are “missing.” I guarantee you there is someone out there who would gladly trade places with you. Thank you to all my friends and family for giving me so much love over the years! I love you all! I may be single on this holiday, but I had a pretty darned good weekend, where I felt special and cared for. For that, I have every reason to celebrate today in my own way.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

See you on the fit side!

-Heather