Dr. H and The Biggest Loser! Yup!

Hi All!

It's been awhile, I know! My apologies for being so absent, but I have some very exciting things happening in my life right now! I just returned from a fabulous work trip on the east coast, where I was able to catch up with fellow BLRer, Keith... (sorry that I missed you, Amanda! I had no idea you were so close!)... I also have officially lost 240 lbs of dead weight, by the name of Greg. New York and Philadelphia catalyzed the demise of our "friendship," which was apparently not all it appeared to be. So, good riddance and deuces! Please tell your wife I said,  "Good luck!" Ha!

I can't believe how much life can change in just a few short weeks! I've finally got my mojo back! The most exciting thing that has occurred is that I've teamed up with a few people from The Biggest Loser TV show, and we have some fantastic events on the horizon!

As I type this to you, I am sitting in Dr. Huizenga's study (he has a beautiful home), taking a break from planning a very exciting business venture with him and some former Biggest Losers, including last season's at-home winner, Mike Messina.... I know, right? Me? With Dr. H and Mike?!?!? Insanity!

I can't say much more than that right now, but please stay tuned for more info! Dr. H has been extremely kind and so hospitable on this recent trip to L.A. What an amazingly intelligent and interesting man! Working with him has been an incredible experience! Mike's not so bad either, as I'm sure many of you ladies would agree! Haha ;)

Through the last few weeks, I have had to face my challenges with weight loss, head-on. No more running from it. No more hiding. I mean, let's face it - Dr. H is the picture of excellent health, and I... well... er...not so much. If I'm ever going to work with the man and represent a fitness/health brand, I'll need to continue my journey and get very serious about it, startiiiiiiiing.... now. I've already adjusted my sugar intake tremendously. I am still working on the alcohol because it's extremely difficult to turn down a cold beer on a hot day :)

Tomorrow, I am heading to Dr. H's medical office in Beverly Hills to receive the same tests that the Biggest Loser contestants are subjected to when they join the show. Granted, I've already lost over 70 lbs in the past year, but I've also been "stagnant" since February 2012. The word stagnant is in quotes because it is not an actual stagnance via natural causes. Rather, it is self-sabotage, numerous excuses, and laziness. I'm working on these things in every aspect imaginable, but it's still a process that takes time and perserverence. I believe I was lacking the latter before I came to Dr. H's house.

Observing Dr. H's routine and lifestyle, first-hand, has been somewhat of an eye-opener; a busy, prominent and very successful doctor who works out every morning and gets up at 4:30am! I now realize that I can do it too!!!!... and I'd better! If I'm going to continue to partner with him and the others, I need to practice what I am preaching.

So, tomorrow, I will post my stats (if they're avaialble immediately after my tests), and my new journey will have officially begun! I hope you all enjoy following me (if you so choose) and are inspired by whatever may come! I think I've found my path and I'm once again excited about fitness!

Between Amanda Leigh Tyson getting down to my size in just a few short months of insane workouts (Go, girl! You AMAZE me! Love you!), and Dr. H's motivation (Have you seen his abs? Holy crap!), I think I stand a fighting chance! I am blessed with positive influences and supportive friends! This has to work!

See you on the fit side!
~Heather

Misery is optional! (But it's a tough option to ignore!)

I'm slowly making my way back to positivity! Lately, I've been thinking about how I was so sure of myself when I left Biggest Loser Resort. I was going to conquer my weight issues once and for all! I had just spent an obscene (for me) amount of money on gaining the tools and knowledge to turn fitness into a lifestyle and I was hungry for it!!! It seemed that nothing could stop me! Why is it that just 6 short months later, it became a painfully difficult and arduous task to regain motivation? How could my perspective have changed so drastically?

So, on Monday, I started thinking about life changes... mostly because of the "I'm getting married" conversation I had with my friend... and it dawned on me:
Here was a guy that was on the verge of suicide just three months earlier. Aside from his attitude and address, not much else has changed in his life since then; He still has conflict with his mom, his dad is still dying, he is still struggling with substance abuse (although he is now 40+ days sober! woo hoo!), he has no job, no car, and no real prospects... but he's LIVING! He's happy, motivated, confident, and knows in his heart that his path leads to somewhere positive! What changed for him? How did he get out of his depression? What can I learn from his experience?

I had a bit of a wake-up call! It's my attitude! My choices in how I respond to situations! My attitude and choices have sucked since about mid-February... coincidentally, right about the time I stopped losing weight, stopped writing regularly in my blog, and stopped being consistent with my regimen. I fell into somewhat of a pity-a-thon and a pretty hefty depression.

This is a bit embarrassing, but I'm just going to say it:
I have fought with depression for years, but thought I had a pretty good handle on it for the last few decades... until February of this year. All the forgotten feelings of loneliness, emptiness, despair, and worthlessness, came flooding back, with a vengeance. A vengeance that had built up for years and years and years, just waiting to reveal itself in full force. The logical side of my brain was telling me to not let emotion overrule my thoughts, and to just systematically go about life as though my routine were tasks on a checklist - eventually I HAD to snap out of it. But, as the depression deepened, I found myself bargaining internally to just get out of bed... to get off the couch... to stop eating junk...even to brush my hair. All simple things, but they seemed like painstaking chores in the moments I faced them. When this feeling lasted longer than just a few days, then weeks, then months...I had to admit to myself that I was no longer in control. Logic wasn't working to snap me out of it, and I needed help to cope. So, I sought help.

Going to my appointments gave me a reason to get out of bed at least once per week. The distance to the appointment gave me a reason to run there and back. I refuse to take medication, so I was warned that my mental state was "in the basement" and without medication, it may take awhile to get back to "the first floor." As of two days ago, it felt like I reached that first floor! Ironically, after hearing something that made me very sad! There are still many floors above me, and I know I have to take the stairs, but at least I'm out of that dark, dank, smelly basement!

What better time to get a tattoo??? I fight with various struggles every day. Sometimes I win, but I never fail, because I'll never give up. If I get knocked down 99 times, I'm getting up 100 times.

For those that are around me often, you probably got tired of hearing me say things like, "I'm going to get a tattoo on my back that symbolizes my struggles, triumphs, and hard work." Well, I started it last night! I have a long way to go, as it will eventually trail down to my hip area and the cherry blossoms will be colored in, but I really like it so far. To make it even more special, my bestie that is getting married will be coming with me to my next tattoo appointment and we will be getting tatt'd up together! He's getting a tattoo of his sobriety date. <very cool> We both thought it would make our tattoos more meaningful if we made it a memory of being with each other and supporting each other through the "pain," much as we have in life over the last several months.

Even now, as only a partial tattoo, I love that it reminds me every day, that light can be found in darkness, peace can be found in chaos, and happiness can be found in misery.

One day at a time!

See you on the fit side!
~Heather