At Home - Day 12 (Mini resolutions of a wannabe Yogi)

FAT STATS

Heaviest weight (Feb 2011): 259 lbs

 

Starting weight at Biggest Loser Resort (Nov 2011): 217 lbs

 

Current weight: 187.6 (yah, baby! And that's after breakfast, with wet hair! Hahaha! I'm .6 away from 30 lbs down since I started at BLR!)

 

 

FUEL:

Approximately 1200 calories

  

• Breakfast: whole wheat wrap, 4 egg whites, 1oz soy cheese
• Snack: tangerine, 12 almonds 
• Lunch: whole wheat wrap. Grilled chicken. Soy cheese, lettuce, Marisa's homemade tomatillo salsa (super yum y caliente!).
• Snack: 1/8 cup raw cashews. 1/8 cup organic, unsweetened banana chips
• Dinner: Repeated the lunch

 

THE BURN:

Approximately 1700 calories

 

3 miles on treadmill (2 miles at incline 11.5 and 3.5-4mph, 1 mile running at 5.5mph)
1 hour of yoga (where I thought I was going to die)
2 hours of night hiking (fun!)

 

SELF ASSESSMENT:

• Personal score: A  (Aside from a stellar comeback from yesterday's self-pity fest, I pushed myself to the point of severe nausea today... that deserves an A)

MY DAY:

Today, I thought about making a few small goals that are achievable and measurable. These are my mini resolutions for January 2012:

• Go to bed before 10pm at least 5 days per week
• Get up to see the sun rise at least 4 days per week
• Break a sweat at least once every day
• Buy a calorie burn monitor of some sort
• Update my blog in a timely manner :-)
• Sign up for a 5K
• Find a hiking buddy or group (did this today!)
• Attend yoga at least once per week
• Maintain a 1200-1400 calorie per day diet
• Wear those True Religion jeans out in public!!!

Some longer-term goals I am considering, depending on my progress:

• Buy a bikini by April 30 (I'll debate on whether or not to actually WEAR it, after April 30)
• Run and jog the half marathon in San Francisco in April
• Run one 5K in February with Tony LaRussa!
• Run the Shamrock 5K in March with Felisa Enriquez!
• Run a 5K in the Spring with Amanda Tyson! (Looks like I'm flying to the east coast!)
• Find something fun to do on Valentine's Day and nix the whole date with Ben & Jerry thing that has become a tradition over the last few years :-)

I was a little ambitious this morning with all of the exercise. After 3 miles on the treadmill, my yoga class completely kicked my booty! I was in child's pose, sweating from every inch of my skin for a good 10 minutes of the class. I should've known when upon checking in for the class, the obviously-experienced Yogi at the counter looked at my freshly sweat-stained shirt and said, "Did you just run? You're crazy to do that before yoga! I couldn't!" Ummmm... crap.

She was right! What was I thinking? It was tough!!! Wow! However, I have to say that there really is nothing like hitting a Warrior 2 pose and seeing your muscles shake and skin glisten from all of your hard work! Or, when you FINALLY  hit a seemingly impossible pose, even if only for a second, that you stood and watched the others do many times before and thought to yourself, "Yah, right! Not in THIS lifetime!"

After yoga, I made myself a bomb.com burrito with Marisa Vazquez's homemade tomatillo salsa. Esophogasmic status for sure! Thanks, M! Un poco caliente, pero sabor fantastico!

I rested and stretched a little between email and meetings. Thank goodness this week has been so dead at work. I needed the transition period before the craziness sets in. My job can get pretty insane and I'm not looking forward to the "busy season." I still have tremendous fear about my job completely enveloping my life and causing my fitness goals to slip by the wayside. This is where I'll be needing my BLR besties for support and reminders of why we are doing what we are doing.

At about 5pm, I headed out for my first night hike with a group I joined this morning called Sacramento Trail Mix. (http://www.sacramentotrailmix.com) What a fun bunch! Tonight's hike was a night hike along the American River Trail. It was at a slower pace (approximately 2.5 mph) and we went 3.5 miles. Even though this hike was not for a calorie burn, it was WAY better than sitting in front of the TV and trying to avoid the refrigerator!

My new friend, Michelle

The night hike group

I love that Lisa is smiling in the background!

I met a couple of really cool people and I plan on hanging with this group quite a bit! They're snow-shoeing tomorrow, but I already committed to yoga in the morning. The hike sure made me miss my BLR buddies! I thought about them a lot and how much fun they would have had with us! Megan, Kelly, Brianne, Cara, Shelene, Haley and of course, most of Van 4. SacramentoTrailMix has more advanced hikes available as well, but the guide tonight (Gary) described this particular bunch as a "social group with a hiking problem." Love it! I will be heading to REI this week to buy snow shoes, snow clothes, and some poles. I've never been snow-shoeing and it sounds like a blast!!!

One final note... this goes out to my friend - let's call her "Betty." I read your blog today and it made me cry because the helpless feelings you were describing (quite perfectly, by the way), were exactly the way I've felt part of this week and ALL of yesterday. I felt hopeless, desperate, and so so sad!  I wanted to just give up so badly! You're right - it is "easier" being fat, but only in the sense that it's easy to get fat and stay fat. Nothing else about being fat is easy. If it were "easy," none of us would even think of subjecting ourselves to this pain and difficulty to change it!

I hate the fact that I have to be around people all day that can eat whatever they want (and they do). I hate that I can't enjoy my former life as a total foodie (damn, I miss going out 4 or 5 nights per week and ordering items covered in butter and sauces)! I also hate that I still look in the mirror and see a fat girl that feels unloveable. I hate that I can't buy something in Bebe. I hate that store, but damnit, I want to fit into those hoochie outfits just like my friends can! Unnerving! Fashion designers seem to think that if you're larger, you have no sense of style... or even worse, they don't make your size because they don't want larger people in their clothes! How effed up is that?

Being fat sucks. Not loving yourself sucks.  We are good people and do NOT deserve to be treated that way! So, why do we allow ourselves to abuse ourselves? It makes no sense. The mind is so powerful and it can send you in a downward spiral in seconds...All that stinkin' thinkin'!!

When I beat myself up over these things, and tell myself to snap out of it, I feel worse. Sometimes, I want to curl up into a little ball and cry myself to sleep.... but, you know what? This last difficult period showed me that it can be different. Just when I thought I was on the edge, it was you guys who pulled me back over to the other side where positivity lies. I read your blog and realize I'm not alone. I read Meg's blog and realize there are beautiful, positive, and genuinely good people still on this earth and I truly believe we all met at BLR for a reason! I text Courtney and realize I have support and an awesome friend! I call Karla (a friend in South Dakota) and hear that not only does she want to change too, but she wants to do it the BLR way WITH ME! How awesome is it that we have all this support and love around us and all we have to do is prairie dog our heads above the bullshit and reach out a hand for help? Simply say, "I'm struggling" or "I need a friend." I'll be there in any way I can, as quickly as I can.

A pic from BLR - Megan (love!) and Me

The gang at BLR - old pic, but I wanted to remind us of where we were... Betty, Kelly, Me and Cara. Love you guys!

By the way, "Betty" - I saw some recent pics of you and your sis on your blog and DAMN! You ladies look phe-no-menal!!!  <Biggest hugs ever!>

On that note, I will be signing off, likely until 2012. I may not be able to blog tomorrow night, since I plan to go out with friends for New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year, everyone! Be safe!

See you on the fit side!
-Heather