At Home - Day 7 (Merry Christmas!)

FAT STATS

Heaviest weight (Feb 2011): 259 lbs

Starting weight at Biggest Loser Resort (Nov 2011): 217 lbs

Current weight: Unknown. Parents don't have a scale... let's just say that I'm not going to rush to see what it says tomorrow morning, but I guarantee that whatever it says will propel my booty into the gym, pronto!

FUEL:

Approx 1400 calories

  

• Breakfast: whole wheat thins, almond butter
• Snack: light string cheese
• Lunch: 3 cucumber slices with crab, shrimp, onion, lemon and curry. 1/2 cup of grapes.
• Snack: 6 oz glass of wine (Chardonnay). Apple.
• Dinner: 4oz smoked ham, 1/4 cup scalloped potatoes, 1 1/2 cups green beans. 4oz glass of red wine (Pinot Noir).

THE BURN:
Whatever my BMR is. I did absolutely nothing today. My biggest burn was probably achieved by taking a shower or pacing the food table. However, it IS my rest day today.

SELF ASSESSMENT:

• Personal score: C- (Even though it's my rest day, I should have at least taken a walk or lifted weights. My parents have a gym in their home and I didn't touch it. However, I'm proud of myself for not over-doing it on calories! That was TOUGH!)

MY DAY:

Day 2 at the parents' house...

I made it through breakfast ok with my pre-packed almond butter sammy, but as soon as the treats were laid on the table, I reached for a handful of the hot links wrapped in Pillsbury crescent dough as though they were disappearing before my eyes and I had to save them! I stopped myself, cursed and my brother says, "Still fighting old habits, eh?" OMG, you have no idea! The instinct is almost robotic! Now that I am semi-aware of these habits, I can't imagine all the mindless calories I've consumed in my life!

Then, I felt myself get nervous! Almost like a panic attack! My BLR therapist, Essara, told me to identify the feeling and think about it in the moment to understand the source/cause. This is supposed to help me become more aware of my actions as they relate to emotional eating. Here's what happened:

After I reached for the greasy links, and had a minor self-beat-down moment with my brother keenly observing in the background, I immediately looked around for more healthy food! Bless my mom's heart; she tried to make me a healthy snack by putting shrimp, crab and onions on top of cucumber slices... Only problem was she "bound" it with olive oil, so the fat content was higher than I would have preferred, but it was still an awesome alternative to what was on the table.

Anyhow, I immediately shoved two cucumber hors d'ouvres in my mouth, then my dad takes the plate and starts offering them to my uncle (who is notorious for devouring everything in sight, then asking for more) and to everyone else! I panicked! (Really? Over a snack?) Subconsciously, I was thinking, "What am I going to snack on if everyone eats those?!?" (as if I was facing imminent famine and being banished to a third-world country)

Suddenly, RoboHeather kicked in and went straight to the fridge! Crazy thing is that I wasn't even hungry! I was on auto-pilot and my heart was racing over a freakin' cucumber snack! Ridic! I opened the fridge and immediately (mentally) slapped my own hand as the internal dialogue began with, "What are you DOING?!?"

I glance to my right to see the "fit" brother stuff a fudge cookie in his mouth...

Grrr. I can't believe nutrition and avoidance of awful foods is still this difficult! I knew my parents' house was a binge trigger for me, but I had no idea how strong that trigger was until today.

Little side note: Isn't it funny how, when you start to lose weight, your whole family has diet advice for you? LOL! I just listen and nod. 

So, my uncle asks how work has been since Thanksgiving and I explained that I've been on vacation the whole time, but I go back to work tomorrow (if I still want a job). When he asked where I went for my vacation, I told him, "Biggest loser Resort." He looked really confused (apparently, he doesn't watch the show) and he asks, "Biggest Loser? What is that? An Indian casino or something?" Bwahahahaha! That's Uncle Jim!

Back to the food choices today...I used part of my 10% for a glass of wine with my daddy (our tradition) - totally worth it! Drinking good wine together is one of our favorite things and we even have special glasses from which to drink! This is something I will not give up to any program :-)

After a glass of wine, I was feeling pretty good and I felt myself getting the munchies (it was just wine, I swear!) I was staring down the artichoke cheese dip bread bowl, something fierce. I believe I may have even been pacing and stalking the table at one point (think jungle cat scoping out a helpless bunny). Mom saw my wild eyes and confiscated the contraband. Aw.

For dinner tonight, we are having ham and scalloped potatoes. This will make up the rest of my 10% for the week... My ability to exercise portion control is going to be tested and is questionable, but the "food gestapo" is on my ass (this is the nickname I just gave to my brother, to which he replied, "Geez! Someone's hungry!") hee hee! I figured he was right, so I grabbed an apple.

The aromas coming from the kitchen are inducing instantaneous, spontaneous salivation (is that a word? If not, it is now!)! Smells soooo delicious! I will be using a small plate (not a regular-sized dinner plate) and filling half of it with green beans. I'm being mindful of the sample plate we were introduced to the first week at BLR. Although tonight is part of my 10%, the tiny plate will be proportioned as follows: 1/2 veggies, 1/4 carbs (potatoes tonight), 1/4 protein (very salty protein, because it's ham). Mom let me know that she put olive oil in the green beans as well . Oh well- just means less veggies and a few more calories for me. I'll likely be bloated from all the sodium anyway as I'm positive I've gone above 900mg for the day! Lots of water for me tonight and tomorrow!

Not bad for all the food challenges today, though! I made it through! Ha!

Two final thoughts for today:

• I am missing my Van 4 peeps and other buds like crazy! Perhaps because I subconsciously feel a lack of support regarding nutrition today, but I'm sure it goes deeper than that.

• Thought I'd share a true display of love in spirit of the holiday! Court and Alex: So glad you could be together for Christmas! You are the cutest couple ever and I LOVE this pic! You both look AMAZEBALLS! (That one's for Alex) ;-)

Merry Christmas, everyone!

See you on the fit side!

-Heather