Tuesday, January 10, 2012

At Home - Days 22 & 23: Stress and Sweat in the City



Hi All! Sorry, no pics today.
I'm not sure what is going on with blogspot, but I can no longer load pictures to my blog. Until I get this figured out, everything that is not in my template will be in text. Sorry!


FAT STATS:

I'm losing... slowly, but surely!

Monday, Jan 9 Weight: 188.6
Tuesday, Jan 10 Weight: 188.2

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS SINCE BLR: 28.8 lbs
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS SINCE Feb 2011: 70.8 lbs

LIKE-A-THON CHALLENGE (130 Miles in January):

Mon., Jan 9 MILES COMPLETED: 4.0
Tues., Jan 10 MILES COMPLETED: 4.5

TOTAL MILES COMPLETED: 28.0
MILES REMAINING: 102.0

I'm chipping away at it, but after doing the math, it appears I have to put in more than 5.6 miles per day for six days per week until the end of January to meet the goal of 130 miles! I'd better step it up!


  
Approximately 1444 Calories
Mon., Jan 9:
  • Breakfast: .75 cups Oatmeal, 1 cup Almond Milk,  1 Clementine Cutie <355>
  • Lunch: 1 Small Soft Hoagie, 3 oz Roast Beef <365>
  • Dinner: 1 Spinach Lavash, 1oz Light Mozzarella, 2 oz Chicken Tikka Masala <296>
  • Snacks (2): Apple, Kind Almond Coconut Bar, 1/2 cup Fresh Raspberries, 1/2 cup Fresh Boysenberries, 4 tbsp Light Whipped Cream, 1 oz Turkey Jerky <428>
Approximately 1013 Calories
Tues., Jan 10:
  • Breakfast: .75 cups Oatmeal, 1 cup Almond Milk <290>
  • Lunch: 6" Whole Wheat Roll, Chicken Breast, 1 oz Provolone Cheese, Lettuce, 2 Slices Tomato <553>
  • Dinner: Zucchini and onions <110> I decided to go light since lunch was so heavy!
  • Snacks (2): Light String Cheese <60>


Approximately 1120 calories
Mon., Jan 9:
  • 2.6 miles on elliptical on level 5
  • 1.4 miles on treadmill
  • 0.25 mile hike / speed walk / jog

Approximately 650 calories
Tue., Jan 10:

  • 3 miles on elliptical
  • 1.25 miles on treadmill
  • 0.25 mile hike / speed walk / jog


  Personal Score:  B




Mon., Jan 9:

I started my day at 5 AM and was able to get in an intense workout. I felt great and was pushing myself harder than usual! I think I'm almost ready to start running outside on actual pavement! I experienced a few challenges in the latter half of the day with my car breaking down and being stranded far from food for quite awhile. By the time I reached a place to eat, I was starving and ended up ordering a French Dip sandwich. I didn't use the "dip" (au jus) because it tasted like a salt lick. I felt like a failure for resorting to diner food. However, when I got home and calculated the calories, I was surprised to see that I was still within my budget! I just wish more places offered alternatives to white bread. I always feels so guilty when I eat white bread!

Because I was so inactive in the evening, I felt myself begin to dip into emotional eating. Many different thoughts started to spin in my head about my life and the choices I've made. I really wanted some rich dark chocolate, but I grabbed a cup of fresh berries and 4 tbsp of light whipped cream instead. Surprisingly, this did the trick and satisfied my craving for something sweet! I was imagining it to be Zabaglione, one of my favorite desserts in the whole world. In all actuality, I don't think I could handle anything truly sweet. Even the light whipped cream tasted super sugary to me. I had to mix it really well with the berries until it was almost non-existent, just to be able to eat it.

I ended the day by putting in a few more hours at work when I should have opted for the gym.

Tues., Jan 10:

I finally received my P90X and Shakeology in the mail today! Since it's a cycle with three phases and a rest day on the 7th day, I'll begin on Monday. Sunday is my rest day. I also received a half-marathon training schedule from my friend, Jason. I think I might be in over my head here. I know I can walk a half-marathon at a 3.5 mph pace in my current condition, but I am not so sure about the running. Lately, with every workout, my body has been reminding me just how old it is getting. Knees hurt, ankles hurt. Ice is now my best friend. My calves still hurt from hopping around in Zumba on Sunday! That was such an awesome workout. I can't wait to do it again!

Yesterday's feeling of chaos have now gone into full-blown feelings of being overwhelmed. Between thinking about my car, my fitness goals, my job, my staff, and my living situation, I caught myself breathing heavily more than once today while working, due to stress. I also noticed that I was extremely short-tempered and severely lacking in patience. What normally wouldn't make me bat an eyelash, was causing me to snap at people. I tried to lay low, but I had meetings all day. At times, I found myself using breathing techniques to calm down when something would aggravate me on a call.

At one point during the day, I tried to take a break to eat lunch, then head to the gym, but I received too many urgent messages and didn't feel right about leaving. Finally, in the afternoon at about the time the East coast heads home for the day, I was able to grab a bite to eat, but no time (or energy) for the gym. I was kicking myself for letting myself go so long without eating. When I get that hungry, I make poor food choices and I "chase my energy" for the rest of the day... you know the feeling when your energy dips, and you finally get food in you, but you just want to take a nap afterward? Then, you're just tired enough to be lazy for the rest of the day, but not tired enough to sleep? That was today.  I ended up meeting a friend for lunch at a local deli. I should have stayed away from the provolone. Compared to him, I was the epitome of healthy choices! His white-bread foot-long sandwich was swimming in mayo and barbecue sauce and dripping with melted cheddar cheese. Plus, he ordered a bag of chips and a soda. When we received our orders, he looked at my sandwich, covered in tons of lettuce and laughed, "That looks good. not." Meh. Don't you hate it when friends can eat whatever they want and still look like they've lived in a gym their whole lives? Soooo unfair.

During The Biggest Loser episode tonight, I forced myself to do a mini workout, especially since I'll be on the road all day tomorrow. I have to be up very early in the morning as the drive is about 2 1/2 hours each way, without traffic. I'm praying for no traffic.

Today was a strange day. Lots of stress and feelings of being overwhelmed. I have a lot of thoughts to process tonight, so I hope I am able to sleep! I don't think I anticipated life getting this much in the way, this suddenly. I had forgotten that I signed up for a certification class and I'll have to attend every Tuesday and Thursday from 3pm - 5:30pm. I missed the first half of the class today because of work. The certification is for my job and it's not the only certification I am required to get this year. I have no idea when I'm going to find the time to study for this stuff! I don't even know if I want to do what I'm doing for the rest of my life, so is it worth it to put in all of this studying for two pieces of paper I may never use or need?

I'm stressing out.

I want so badly to be able to control how much work creeps into my life, but I just can't seem to get a handle on setting those boundaries. My team works themselves to the bone because we run our department lean and there is so much to do. Unfortunately, we have the added pressure of regulatory and legal implications if our job is not done accurately, quickly, and thoroughly. This means that when certain people say, "jump" we'd better already be pulling out the trampoline. We have been taught to never say "no." I basically have seven years to "undo" of being available to others globally, and it's going to piss off a lot of people if I start saying anything other than "yes." But, I have to. This job and the lack of exercise it ends up fostering, is killing me. Literally. I have to remind myself that while trying to enact these boundaries is causing anxiety, not having them at all is causing long-term irreparable damage to my mind and body.

Today is the first day since BLR that my life started to feel truly chaotic again and a little out of control. This was the first day I felt stressed to the point where I wanted to pull out my hair. I know I should channel this energy into a workout, but I just want to fall asleep...

I'm a little nervous about going to headquarters tomorrow. I notoriously gain a good 2 - 5 pounds whenever I travel out to that location. I will just have to be very mindful of my food choices and make time for a workout... more tomorrow, when I get home.

See you on the fit side!
-Heather

1 comment:

  1. There is one thing I KNOW...YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!
    I remember the first time I really knew of you we were laying on the floor in the aerobic gym during stretch class and you were in a lot of pain. You were frustrated and tears started to run down your cheeks...I looked over at you and said, "I'm sorry" and you said, "thank you!" You composed yourself and moved on. I never once saw you break down out of frustration or quit cause something was too hard the rest of our two weeks...you just pushed through and focused yourself toward your goals.
    Did you still have pain and frustration? In your words, "Hell's Ya!" But you didn't let it stop you from your ultimate goals...being on the fit side.

    It's scary when life starts creeping up on you and if you aren't "present and conscience" that is when the weight starts creeping on too! I get where that fear, that very real fear comes from!
    But the new improved Heather isn't going to let the old triggers or the old YOU COME BACK. You know better now, and when you know better, you DO better!

    The great news is we are on a journey! This journey has peaks and valleys. Extreme highs and bery low, lows. Plateu's and times of celebration. We aren't asked to be perfect. We aren't all or nothing. We are on this journey to find balance so that we don't have to trade a scrumtious dessert or cheesy sandwhich ALL the time..but that we CHOOSE to forgo them most of the time so that we can reach our goals of a fitter, healthier people.

    You are doing awesome. Your brain is just trying to catch up with the new lifestyle. I look forward to all your peaks and valleys. Your high's and hopefully not to low of lows and your celebrations of new things to come! Cheering you all the days of your life...this is not a pit stop, this is a journey...forever! May balance and awareness keep following you!

    So proud of you Heather and so glad to call you friend. XOXOXO megs

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